The fingers ache to type and yet the mind keeps wandering..unable to hold one thought for long...pondering over each thought, each memory, each feeling and experience and then forgetting it the next instant.Like a sieve which was filled one moment and is suddenly drained, the hard, unwanted crumbles left in its masses. And you are left groping for what already passed. There's just a hullabaloo of thoughts which are noise together but need the slightest bit of working upon to turn into something sensible, individually. Just like a drop wont mean much in the sea, but when you see it in the form of a dew drop, it is suddenly photo-worthy. Or probably the way just a random top you picked up in the store looks so beautiful when you wear it. On the other hand, there's also the notorious category of thoughts that, you really wish never stepped into your thinking space. They stick to the mind and refuse to go. Viciously entangling every vulnerable feeling into them...say, like an evil magnet and just like a coriander leaf stuck in your braces, refuses to leave your helpless mind. So much so that you are left wondering whether you just might be having an OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder). So why does what you want leave you while what you don't, stays on? But hey! that's just one of the funny mathematics of life, right?
I just spoke about individuality. Individuality A mere word that speaks so much. The aim of most of humankind. Be it companies, youth, artists, designers! Being different is the thing to be. Be it through hairstyles, clothes, tastes in music! I know people who try to be different through the way they talk/ laugh, even write their name!! Almost no one wants to be part of the herd. Those who are, willingly or otherwise, are scoffed at and looked down upon. Titles like, "coward" or "meek" or follower" to name a few are thrown upon them, by the apparently "different" people. But. Wait a minute, what exactly IS different? The dictionary explains it as unusual, assorted, unlike others and so on.But does that mean everyone's on a quest for being unusual? Is it necessary to stand out in order to be different? Does that mean that the ones who dress normally and don't speak much are all the same?! I went to a couple of design colleges for interviews recently. And couldn't help noticing the people around me.Not because of a general habit of observing, but because several people drew my attention. They stood out. It was either loudly cut/colored hair/clothes. Or maybe the make up. Or just a bunch of beads that adorned a dominated neck. And, after feeling like a plain commoner for some time, I couldn't help wondering...were they trying too hard? Was it their way of reaching out to the difference in them or was it just attention they seek? Or maybe I was just judging.
They asked me in an interview, "Why are you different?" and I came up with something like "because I have a unique set of genes." It might sound lame but here, it was MY way of NOT answering the stale question in the ol' chewed-and-tossed-over way. They laughed. And we spoke about less delicate issues. Mission Accomplished. But, moving back to difference, individuality and their meanings, what they mean for me is basically, independence. Having faith in yourself and in what you feel. And being able to express it. Otherwise, those used ideas are always there! Many of our music composers will tell you that. But being different, for me, means a difference in perspective. And the ability to express it. Being original. You dont need to walk around in leaves or claim it to people. Its who you are and not what you portray.
Fearing the inclination of this particular piece towards "preachy", I shall bring an abrupt, but tactful end to my flow of thought at the moment. The mind, currently, is like a dark, heavy cloud. Not because of any signs of gloom in it, but because its just waiting to burst open. And, what I have spoken about here, is just drizzling.
The fingers were aching to write and the disarrayed thoughts came out, slightly blurred. Just like one feels after waking up from a deep, tumultuous sleep. It might leave you with a heavy head. But the feeling of satisfaction that lingers is unmistakable.
