Dear God,
Well, lets begin with the usual pleasantries....so, i hope alls well in heaven and the demons and all are not causing too many problems...:-) We all are pretty fine here on earth...yeah the icecaps are melting and stuff is getting polluted RAPIDLY but yeah...we are taking one day at a time...and just about making it...so now I'm gonna get to the point.
Since a very long time, I have been wanting to seek audience with you....for the sole reason that my confused mind is not willing to completely accept your existence and at the same time, deny it. Its groping in the dark....and swaying around for light....its uncertain and unsure...its agnostic. The fact that i am addressing it to Your Almighty means a lot, doesn't it? I wouldn't mind carrying on with the 'agnostic' tag but the self conflict it creates is not exactly desirable. One moment you are arguing with someone and the other you are like, hey..God can be there...and you just keep questioning everything all the time. I want to get it cleared but then again my mind asks for proof...which come on God, isn't really something YOU could boast of. And that makes the whole thing even more difficult. :( I mean, OK...I'll say that yeah i believe in you but then, WHAT do i believe in???
You may call me lazy but i don't see the point of travelling to crowded temples, standing in HUGE queues that sometimes consist of even a few floors!! We buy a bunch of flowers, a coconut and a li'l packet of pedhas or something and after hours of strangling around with millions of devotees, all we can really hope to get is a momentary glimpse of 'You' before being rudely shoved away by these huge, burly guard-like men. If a temple is what i want to visit, i might as well go sit and reflect in a nice, peaceful temple where the people are few and no one says much...I honestly prefer this calm to that chaos. A quiet garden with beautiful flowers and the distant ringing of a bell to the sticky floors of crowded temples strewn with dead flowers and wilting petals that stick to our bare feet. This is when i actually feel of You as a possibility..that smell of incense sticks coming along with the breeze...it makes me WANT a divine force..someone watching over me....listening to my wishes...planning my life...deciding my fate...its actually a very comforting thought, God..when we feel only our heartfelt prayers will bring good health to our ailing mother...or give us the brains to pass our exams...I suddenly feel in love with my surroundings and feel good about everything.
And then, I go home and switch on the television. And the news channels are screaming about some terrorist attack....i change the channel and another channel shrieks about a rape victim being killed and the killers roaming around...i am immediately saddened....its the everyday news, i know that...but my thoughts begin to wander towards You....tell me God, if you exist, why is there so much evil? It might be an extremely immature question to ask, I know that but still...why do so many terrorist organizations flourish around the world? Why are so many innocent people ruthlessly murdered at their mercy every year? Just the other day I read about a stampede in a famous temple. Really, God, hundreds of people died there at your doorstep. What happened then? You just let them die? Why do the jihadis still plan and successfully implement their dreams (now realities) of hardcore destruction? Why do rapists and corrupt politicians move around fearlessly and truthful whistle blowers are killed brutally?Why are powerless women regularly beaten up by ruthless chauvinists and no one can really do anything to them?
Tell me GOD, WHOSE side are YOU on??? What happened to those ambitious ideas like 'victory of good over evil' and 'u reap what you had sown' and 'what goes around come around' ??? Why do they seem like just a far-fetched, fairy tale like thing now? THIS is the reason i don't feel like believing in you...this is the reason my faith dwindles...and trust me, once gone, FAITH is very hard to come...even if its in YOU, God....
(maybe) one of your subjects....
Swaroopa
